If there's a fish sauce contest...

“The nuoc mam from Phu Quoc Island was the best of all, clear and with an astonishingly subtle taste. . .But the sauce in this restaurant is from the Philippines, very bad, not from Thailand, which at least is a pale second-best.” - from Love by Robert Olen Butler

(If you're a Filipino, look away quick, because I agree. I'm partial to Phu Quoc nuoc mam.)

When I went to Phan Tiet, the Vietnamese driver said that the nuoc mam from Phan Tiet is also good. I wouldn't know though since I didn't want to open the car to buy one while we were passing the nuoc mam area. It would have been tantamount to going inside a gas chamber. Or self-mutilation.

Which sport do you play?

In my sweeping survey (not that I ever did a survey, of course), the greatest signifier of Asian-ness is *drum rolls* BADMINTON.

Here is the theoretical result of the said theoretical survey:
99% of Vietnamese plays badminton, remaining 1% handicapped, ie victims of agent orange, tennis is the sign of economic status, so when a Vietnamese says s/he plays tennis, it means a declaration of membership to the upper echelon of society or an intent to be a member of that esteemed group (red alert, *the sound is dong! dong! dong!), the immediate response of the women is badminton, immediate response of men is football (testosterone!) and then badminton

Still wondering about Seventeen Saloon music?

After being enthralled with news of Tarantino thrilla, yes, this is a youtube video of prisoners in Cebu Provincial and Rehabilitation Center in Cebu, Philippines dancing to Thriller.

1. And it has to be Michael Jackson. Our fascination with all things America or absurdity.
2. The omnipresent pa-girl homosexuals in our society. No sarcasm here!
3. That much orange gives me headache.
4. Still wonder why such is the music in Seventeen Saloon? This should answer it all.
5. Interestingly, what would it look like if these were Vietnamese prisoners? The music, it's safe to assume would be some love song. The uniform, I think, would be blue (that color so loved by Vietnamese beaurucrats ie it's the only color they wear, and the pants, visibly tighter.

Quentin Tarantino in the Philippines for Cinemanila

No, not even the Jolie-Pitt visit to Saigon made me go gaga .

Being a film buff, nothing could make me feel more giddy like the news that the Great Q will be in Manila this August for Cinemanila International Film Festival. (Yes, mahgayprends, I'm drooling!)

Internationally acclaimed filmmaker Quentin Tarantino will be hitting Philippine shores in August to receive the Lifetime Achievement Award during special ceremonies in the 9th Cinemanila International Film Festival. Tarantino will be receiving the distinction for his iconic contributions to world cinema and continued support to the proliferation and promotion of Asian and independent films.

Except if he's coming to Vietnam, too, of course. If he is, do let me know cause I, ummm, will bribe all the staff in his hotel and stalk him til he gives me an autograph. Oh Q, you'll be my first and last. I won't do that for Leonardo Di Caprio, that's saying a lot since I read Arthur Rimbaud just because Di Caprio portrayed him in one of his movies. Or perhaps, just perhaps, not for Ewan McGregor, the god of big things even if he shows up in my doorstep naked.

Since Cinemanila is "seeking to promote the identity of ASEAN cinema", it being the ASEAN's 40th anniversary, it will also be showing some films from other countries in the region. Unfortunately, no mention of Vietnamese films.

Foreigners may soon be able to own houses in Vietnam

Around 21,000 of 81,000 foreigners residing in Vietnam will be eligible to buy houses under a pilot scheme awaiting cabinet approval, the construction ministry said.

It recently drafted a proposal to allow foreigners to buy houses, which will initially be implemented in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City.

Below are the chosen few/foreigners who are eligible to own houses in Vietnam. If you do belong to these categories and you want to own a house, (do not ask for clarifications of the categories though, as you may only get a vacuous response from me since I'm no expert), well, I can only imagine the paperwork, the extra-payment and the beaureaucrap you'll have to endure, tis the time to be jolly.

These include individuals directly doing business in Vietnam; recognized by the president or other agencies as contributing to national development; doing cultural or scientific work in Vietnam; recognized by the president as honorary citizens; or married to Vietnamese currently living in Vietnam. The sixth and final category comprises foreign-invested real estate trading enterprises.

Fat, Food, and Filosophy (And Vietnam Has Nothing To Do With This Post...

...except that Vietnamese eat alot, foreigners in Vietnam eat less but Vietnamese are thin and foreigners are,in comparison, bigger and from my observations, Filipinos arethe baddest fattest Southeast Asians, salamat adobo.)

The existential catastrophe for Schopenhauer was not so much eating as munching. Schopenhauer railed against the aimless nibbling of peanuts and potato chips while one engaged in other activities. Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.(Woody Allen, Thus Ate Zarathustra in The New Yorker)

okay, okay, toi hieu.

...Kant... proposed that we order lunch in such a manner that if everybody orders the same thing the world would function in a moral way. The problem Kant didn't foresee is that if everyone orders the same dish, there will be a squabbling in the kitchen over who gets the last branzino. "Order like you are ordering for every human being on earth," Kant advises, but what if the man next to you doesn't eat guacamole. (Woody Allen, Thus Ate Zarathustra in The New Yorker)

and if I start eating pho every day, would I be thinner?

Calling All Cannibals.......

Iraqis are terrorists. Indians are taxi drivers . And Filipinos are maids. In Vietnam, we are singers and dancers and in Japan, we are prostitutes, too. Hurray! (Jokes!)

On a more serious note ie. lower do, my friend touched this subject in her blog.

Case in point: overseas migration. Filipino* (m)*others leave their families because they have been socialized to value them in a way that enthrones sacrifice,suffering and upward social mobility as virtues. (You Can Because You Must)

To the long list of jobs outside Philippines Filipinos are filling up, usually with lower pay and less privileges, not inVietnam though or at least the Filipinos Iive met here, thus replacing the locals, we can now add that Filipinos are also biscuits.

That's not a job, but take not the fun out of it, shall we?

Filipinos is the brand name for a series of biscuit snacks made by Kraft Foods. In Spain and Portugal they are produced and sold under the Artiach brand name. Under license to United Biscuits, in the Netherlands they are sold and produced locally under the Verkade brand.

Wanna eat Filipinos? Admit, don't be ssshy.

We eat dogs. We eat cats. We eat rats. Umm, do we also eat bats?

(Photo from Wikipedia)

Manifestations of Vietnamese Xe May Mentality

Saigon traffic is Vietnamese life, a continuous charade of posturing, bluffing, fast moves, tenacity and surrenders. -Andrew X. Pham

What still annoys me: the grubbing-snatching-edging Vietnamese behavior.

Not that it's limited to the Vietnamese.

Or that it only happens in Vietnam. Just that it happens here more often.

Act 1:
The-Obvious
Saigon xe may drivers. Just didactics: you need not risk your life just to reach your destination.

Act 2:
The-Obviously-Next-Obvious
Saigon car drivers. I think they sometimes forget they are driving a car, not a bike. Which is why I'd be scared to board a plane if I learn that the pilot is Vietnamese.

Act 3:
The-I'm-A-Rich-Vietnamese-Woman-Hence-No-Need-To-Fall -In-Line-In-The-Supermarket
The forty-ish Vietnamese woman with an inch-thick foundation that is 2 tone lighter (I swear) than what she's supposed to wear complete with mascara, eyeliner,blush, lipstick and five-inch heeled shoes in Maximark sees the long line, decides she is too rich to bother falling in line stands near the cashier, takes her uber-super-latest cellphone out of her Louis Vuitton bag, calls someone and starts talking animatedly. She acts like she belongs there and just goes to the side to answer her phone while waiting for her turn and the poor/inferior/fool/me who'd let her go first.

Huh, no. I'm a modern Filipino woman who once did a striptease on top of a table then went to a rally the next day hollering R-E-S-P-E-C-T. We have great role models. And I'm not impressed by the apparent show of newly-acquired wealth.

Act 4:
The-Vietnamese-Woman-Who-Pushes-Me-Out-Of-The-Way-In -Ben-Thanh-Market
Yes, Ben Thanh is not a park. It's also not a marathon. Actually it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I just do not understand the need to elbow people just to reach the next stall like her life depends on finding the next piece of clothing/bag/shoes/fakes.

Then again, I am foolish enough to brave Ben Thanh on a Saturday once while having allergies. I had to fight the urge to shout Why? Why? amidst the throng of weekend shoppers.

Act 5:
The-White-Expat-Family-Who-Emulates-The-Vietnamese -So-Should-Be-Given-Table-First-In-Quan-An-Ngon- Because-He/She/It Is-So-Much-More-Important Than-(LOcals/ Other Foreigners/Heathens-Who-Have-Been-Waiting-For-A-Table -For-More-Than-Five-Minutes
Seriously, what makes this family think they're more important: class, color, thickness of purse, education, English. Methinks this family has been in Asia too long hence demanding to be treated as more important/royalty/gods.

Now, since I'm the epitome of equality and social justice, I end this with

Disclaimer and digression: Philippines is an awesome country full of equally awesome people, I kid you not!

Resolutions

Stop smoking. Quit, re-quit, acquit, doesn't matter. Just stop. Remember Maya Angelou:what if I'm really special. (I'm lying! This is pop American psychology.)

Stop taking too much pain relievers when I have migraine. No matter what I think, I'm not more charming when high.

Stop watching too much MTV. All those images of women only make me feel more insecure. And they're not showing Arctic Monkeys in the next 20 hours.

Stop saying Hillary Duff looks great if only she'd stick to her brown?blond hair. She starting to look like Ai-Ai Delas Alas when she wears the black wig in that With Love video. That's that.

Stop staring at that video Beautiful Liar. Beyonce and Shakira, they are beautiful aliens ruled by a special law of body gravity.

Stop saying Vietnamese women wear too much make-up during the day. They are. Is society.

Stop saying Vietnamese women are thin. They are. They are. They are.

Stop watching pirated Ewan McGregor films. He's not going to take off his clothes as he did in that ridiculous Pillow Book film (made worthwhile only by Ewan McGregor's dropping his pants at the drop of a hat).

Stop mulling over why Ewan McGregor is making more and more mediocre movies after Trainspotting and Pillow Book. (I could not remember if he took off his clothes in Trainspotting. I watched it in Marcus Adoro's house in my Eheads days. Mmm, well, bands and booze, they were snorting, and Marcus Adoro read philosophy. )

Stop fantasizing I have a say in Ewan McGregor's career.

Stop wishing there's a good English language bookstore in Saigon. Won't happen. Not in ten years, when students studying English now would point a gun to bookstores' owners' heads just so they would sell good English books because of lack of intellectual stimulation.

Today is World Book Day!

Changes

If you've ever been to this blog before, you already know that this blog was on hiatus for a long time but is now undergoing changes. I changed the title from Xe Om, Cyclo, Etc to Street Talk. That's primarily because I want to. And I can. That's what blogging does, power, power, power. I am a hermaphrodite. I satisfy my own whims, desires, without restraint! (yes!) Anyone can comment now. If you wonder why only registered blogspot users can comment before, I tell you, I don't know, that's me. I'll also be updating links,remove some, add some, etc but that will come later.